[dropcap size=small]I[/dropcap]n the world of wearables, ugliness can take on a bizarre charm – especially when said unattractiveness arises directly from function. Consider, for instance, Crocs: Despite looking like clogs made for clowns with a boating habit, the plasticky footwear racks up more than a billion dollars in sales each year, apparently because wearers can’t get enough of the springy comfort of these foam-resin monstrosities.

There’s no such excuse for the latest trend that’s been sweeping fashionistas off their feet. Led by trendsetting label Balenciaga, sneakers on steroids have been making their unwieldy presence felt. The brand’s bafflingly popular Triple S (pictured) features exaggerated takes on actual sports shoe features. Its name is derived from its triple-stacked sole – a pumped-up version of the cushioned soles of running shoes but, unlike the latter, serves little purpose except to give each shoe a hefty weight of 2kg.

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Loud hues and distressed details let the Triple S draw even more undue attention to itself. However, such outsized features aren’t enough for Gucci, which has gone a (mis)step further by criss-crossing its latest chunky sneakers with a strap covered with large rhinestones. In almost the words of an actual sports-sneaker company: Just don’t do it.

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