What’s the best way to say ‘sorry’? Singapore power couples share their tips
Enduring love transcends the singular Valentine’s Day gesture – and knowing how and when to apologise is part and parcel of a lasting partnership.
by Liao Xiangjun /
February 14, 2018
In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, The Peak reaches out to couples amongst its readers to share how they keep the flame going. This year, we ask them about the best way to say the hardest word: “sorry”.
Wendi: If I am the one who made the “booboo”, I will usually distract the husband by asking him to meet me for lunch or movie etc, then slip in the chance to admit to my mistake and apologize, retracting my comments. I believe that if it’s my fault then I should admit to it and I always do it face to face.
(On forgiveness) I actually have a very short term memory and don’t tend to get angry for a long time. I am one of those that will forget by the next morning and always speak to my partner before he speaks to me regardless of who is in the wrong. Lucky him!
Derrick: I think its a combination of verbal, physical and monetary restitution. The steps cover but (you’re) not limited to them. Saying sorry a thousand times, telling her you’re to blame for the mistake, asking forgiveness and offering a hug or two.
Serene Tan & Benjamin Kim
Serene: It depends on what went wrong. In our case, it’s usually conflict in opinion. We usually walk away to cool off. Ben’s favourite Lana cake is always a great way to say sorry.
I once attached an apology note “I’m sorry for being so insensitive” to my doggie’s collar. That worked perfectly. And my dog received that extra hug and a treat.
Ben: I don’t usually use words because I prefer to follow it up with genuine remorse and restitution.
I once wiped all the data off Serene’s mobile phone. Okay… that situation called for more than just flashy acts or sweet little gestures. I bought her a pair of earrings to say “I just want you to know that I’m sorry”.
Dr Bernard: My wife, Dolly, and I, are at another peak of life’s many waves. It takes work.
The best way to say sorry – is to stop work and take time off to spend together. It is not as easy as it sounds. I need to know why and exactly what I may have done. But trying to see it from her point of view is a must. Never assume your point of view is correct or faulty, it usually built from of a series of incidents.
Trying to get her to talk about it – never let it become an interrogation. That is why it is better to take time off and do something together – not just a dinner, that’s a “by the way” only. For example, go shopping with a $10,000 budget to blow. (Believe me, even if it is more than a month’s salary, I will do it. She knows what you make.) Spend it all on her, but have fun while doing it. Never argue. Discuss. Watch your tone of voice from the first microsecond. Then, you will eventually learn the truth, which really often frees you and her. And don’t do it again.
It’s not about who’s right or wrong, it is about right and whether it was the good thing to do. Doctor’s advice from me: The right thing is not always the good thing. And that’s why you have lawyers.
What about himself? If you are a woman, it is simpler… With testosterone-driven guys like me, a watch or car or camera will solve all!
John Kim & Elaine Kim
John: I’ve found that a long, tight hug proves more effective than any combination of words.