The shift no one prepares you for: A writer’s journey through perimenopause

At first, I blamed stress. A few sleepless nights. A creeping fatigue. Then the night sweats started. And suddenly, I realised — it wasn’t just burnout. It was perimenopause.

This hormonal transition, which affects up to 20 to 60 per cent of women aged 30 to 45, can begin as early as your late 30s and stretch over five to 10 years.

It’s linked to increased cardiovascular risk, bone density loss, anxiety, memory issues, and disrupted sleep — yet most of us aren’t warned about it. A recent UK survey found just 49 to 58 per cent of women in this stage ever discuss it with a doctor.

For me, perimenopause hit hard: night sweats, fragmented sleep, bone-deep fatigue, dryness, brain fog, unexplained weight gain. It felt like losing myself. That’s what sent me to The Farm at San Benito, a wellness retreat in the Philippines promising clarity, not cures.

The science, the silence, and the shift

Research is beginning to shine light on this murky stage. A 2025 UVa study of over 4,400 women found 55 per cent of participants aged 30 to 35 reported moderate to severe perimenopausal symptoms — often before they sought help.

And a UCL study revealed perimenopause raises the risk of depression by about 40 per cent compared to premenopause levels.

Despite affecting half the population, it remains under-researched and under-discussed, especially in cultures where wellness is equated with youth. Thankfully, the narrative is shifting.

Research increasingly links perimenopause to a wide range of physical and cognitive changes — from cardiovascular risk and bone density loss to anxiety, insomnia, and memory issues. It’s not a blip; it’s a full-body transition that demands nuanced attention.

Public figures like Oprah Winfrey and Halle Berry have helped normalise this conversation. Oprah’s “The Life You Want” series and Berry’s candid interviews reframed perimenopause not as decline, but as evolution. On the clinical front, UK-based menopause specialist Dr Louise Newson, GP and founder of the Balance app, has become a trusted voice.

Her podcast and advocacy work have led to shifts in UK health policy and empowered women who previously felt dismissed by their doctors.

Online, platforms like @whatthemenopause inject humour, candour, and community into the dialogue. And in wellness spaces, the message is being taken seriously. At Chiva-Som Hua Hin, a wellness destination in Thailand, more women are seeking holistic support.

According to naturopath Keletso Kelosiwang, Chiva-Som offers a personalised, evidence-based programme blending medical testing with mind-body therapies.

“We create a supportive, holistic environment for women going through this transition,” she explains. “From biomarker testing to stress management and community support, it’s about more than hormones — it’s a full-body reset.”

That approach also dismantles myths, “There’s a belief that menopause marks the end of vitality or sexuality. But with the right support, it can be a time of renewal.”

The body as barometer: A stay at The Farm at San Benito

Not every woman has access to hormone replacement therapy (HRT) or medical solutions — and not every woman wants them. What I was seeking was a way to manage my symptoms with intention, to live through this shift with some semblance of steadiness.

That led me to The Farm at San Benito, a holistic wellness retreat in the Philippines known for its integrative approach.

Set among lush greenery with free-roaming peacocks and geese, The Farm offers a retreat from the world — and your own overextended nervous system. My villa had a private pool, and the grounds were ideal for peaceful walks or brisk power sessions. Even the food I had — all plant-based — was satisfying.

The vegan restaurant Alive! served dishes that were so flavourful that it was unfortunate I only managed to enjoy them on my last evening.

The resort’s Menopause Retreat (which also supports those in perimenopause) was no lightweight itinerary. Over four nights, I was placed on a juice cleanse designed to reduce inflammation, support liver detox, and reset the gut — all key in regulating hormones.

I underwent colon hydrotherapy followed by a rectal infusion to clear the digestive tract and encourage microbial rebalance.

Traditional therapies were woven in, too. The Hilot Lakambini massage, rooted in Filipino healing wisdom, used warm herbal oils and banana leaves to support lymphatic drainage and release built-up tension. It felt both restorative and quietly ceremonial.

But the moment that stayed with me came during a counselling session. The therapist asked, “What about perimenopause unsettles you most — the symptoms, or the resistance to change?” I didn’t have an answer then. What I did have was the clarity that this life milestone goes beyond a physical transition.

The Farm didn’t promise to fix me. What it offered was space — to feel, to reflect, and to start reframing how I saw this next chapter of life.

The reckoning and the reframing

Leaving the retreat, I knew the real work would begin at home — in the quiet, ordinary moments where symptoms return and self-doubt creeps back in. But I also knew I wasn’t alone.

Lutfiyah, a mother of three, entered perimenopause at 41. Her symptoms were familiar: night sweats, brain fog, mood swings, and most notably, rage.

She now takes paroxetine, prescribed for hot flashes, and phentermine, a psycho-stimulant that helps with appetite control and metabolic regulation. For her, medical support is what keeps her grounded.

Others I spoke to shared different struggles. One described a libido that vanished without warning. Another confessed she no longer recognised herself in photos — “like the light behind my eyes had dimmed”. The most common thread wasn’t a symptom, but a sense of isolation.

Chiva-Som’s Keletso reiterates that this transition is deeply individual. “It’s not just about treating symptoms,” she said. “It’s about understanding the root of the imbalance and supporting the whole person.”

That support doesn’t always mean prescriptions. It might look like consistent movement, a cleaner diet, hormone-supportive herbs like black cohosh or maca (used under professional supervision), or simply making space for breathwork and rest.

“It’s less about elimination,” she said, “and more about integration.”

For me, this journey hasn’t been about reversal. It’s about reframing — recognising that wellness in this phase of life isn’t indulgence. It’s self-respect. It’s not about returning to who I was, but standing comfortably in who I’m becoming.